Monday, November 19, 2007

The Five Types of Free Agents

by Ray Porreca

It’s hot stove time and you better damn well know it! Our Phillies are supposedly going to increase the team’s budget for 2008 in order to bring in some top-flight talent this offseason (Carlos Silva anyone?).

No doubt you’ve all been wondering who they might bring in. So who will they sign? Mike Lowell? Randy Wolf? Danny Almonte? We’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, we know that there are a lot of players who have hit the open market. These players can be broken down into five basic categories.

Category 1: Young player isn’t really that good, but hits open market at young age

This may be the most dangerous of all free agents. They hit the market and command long-term deals, only to eat salary and suck for the next four or more years. Sometimes, they can turn out to be OK, but nothing more. The prime example in Philadelphia is Gregg Jefferies.

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Gregg Jefferies was one of the greatest Phillies ever if you omit talent level and appreciate his ability to eat up salary

At 27, he had been playing professional baseball for about 17 years. The Phillies signed him to a four-year, $20 million deal. He spent the next three and a half seasons frustrating the 27 fans who went to see the team during those lean years. In the end, he was sent to the California Angels of Los Angeles now located in Anaheim. Maybe it was the fact that he was working under the biggest contract the Phillies had ever given a free agent, or maybe it was the fact that he could walk under the first basemen’s legs, but he just never lived up to that contract.

See for reference: Giles, Marcus and San Diego Padres

Category 2: Veteran is offered too much money to say no

This guy may just be a big name, or he may be one of those “gamers.” He signs a contract and soon after learns he hates the town and the town hates him. Lance Parrish comes to mind. An all-star catcher with the Tigers, the Phillies added him to their vaunted 1987 team, which boasted the likes of Von Hayes and Steve Jeltz. After making a truly horrendous Yellow Pages commercial with Mike Schmidt, Parrish went on to piss off the city with his uninspired play and Wayne Newtownesque mustache. He mercifully left after the 1988 season when he was traded for Dave Holdridge. Holdridge was probably one of the best pitchers ever to pass through the Phillies’ system (I mean it, look him up). The $3 million given to Parrish doesn’t seem like a lot by today’s standards, but if you flush that much money down the toilet, see if it doesn’t clog up your bathroom for 19 to 20 years.

See for reference: Belle, Albert and Baltimore Orioles

Category 3: Veteran pitcher is a 4, so naturally, pay him like a 2

I would use Mark Portugal as an example, but I can’t do that in good conscience. He was a 7 at best. I’ll put it this way: Sting can’t sing anymore, yet when the Police reunite, thousands of people pay thousands of dollars to see him and ignore the fact that he has nothing left. They cheer, they wallow at his feet, they beg him to follow them at all hours of the night. They see the old Sting, not the one who is on tour with the Police, but the one who cursed us all when he teamed up with the Barbershop Quartet From Hell featuring Michael Bolton, Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart. Some GMs tell themselves that the aging man they just signed is still the Wild Thing, not Eddie Harris. Inevitably, the one they sign doesn’t know where to hide the Vagisil.

See for reference: Glavine, Tom and New York Mets; Jackson, Mike and Philadelphia Phillies

Category 4: Well, he’s better than other pitchers, right?

Of all the types of free agents, this one may be the biggest killer to a team. It happens every year: a pitcher blazes through the playoffs, seemingly mowing down every batter he faces. Unfortunately, the pitcher is usually just ordinary for his new team the next season. Jon Lieber was lights-out for the Yankees in 2004. The Phillies weren’t going to miss out on this monster pitcher and gave him a $21 million contract over three years. It worked out well… for Lieber. He used the money to buy a massive truck and apparently, massive quantities of food. Though he did lose five pounds prior to the 2007 season, Lieber also ran over half of the Class A Clearwater Threshers when he arrived at spring training, setting the team’s minor league system back a few years.

See for reference: Suppan, Jeff and the Milwaukee Brewers

Category 5: Unknown foreign commodity

This is still a new type as free agents go. It all started with Hideo Nomo in 1995. He won the NL Rookie of the Year award for the Dodgers. He spent the next 10 seasons on a rollercoaster. Blinded by flashbulbs every time he threw a pitch, he was hit or miss, with emphasis on “hit.” We in Philadelphia remember Nomo as being the only man who ever got Scott Rolen to show emotion after the part-timer got fed up with Nomo’s incessant beanings. The Phillies have yet to be burned/rewarded by such a free agent, but this hot stove may bring sushi, as reports have the team pursuing pitcher Hiroki Kuroda. These players have such a big adjustment to make that sometimes they just can’t handle it. Thankfully, as long as the hype belies the talent there will never be a shortage of imports.

See for reference: Irabu, “Fat Toad” Hideki and New York Yankees; Matsui, Kaz and New York Mets; Park, Chan Ho and Arizona Diamondbacks.

There is, technically, one more type of free agent: the one who works out. The team signs him, they improve, they win and live happily ever after. Jim Thome could be placed in this category, and there is no question that the Phils’ acquisition of Pete Rose was key to the 1980 Championship. As for that category, well, it’s not fun to write about.

So there you have it – the five types of free agents. So strap in; I’m crossing my fingers and hoping to get this deal done with Kosuke Fukudome. He’s a can’t-miss.

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