A memo to Billy King

by Goose

If Sir Lawrence Olivier has taught me anything, it’s this… cloning is not a viable option to bring your organization back to prominence. It didn’t work for the Nazis, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to work for the Sixers.

Let me explain myself.


Sixers GM Billy King is depending on players like Thaddeus Young to lift his team back to respectability. Meanwhile, former Sonics star Detlef Schrempf has a sigh of relief as Thaddeus' first name was almost as cool as his.

I think Andre Iguodala is the bee’s knees. He’s a fun, explosive player who is full of energy. His potential reminds me a lot of Pippen without the headaches. He handles well, finishes well, and plays tough D. So if you asked me if I would enjoy watching five Iguodalas on the court at once, I would say sure – and might even bust out my Sega Genesis ’94 Showdown to make it happen (the last true basketball video game I had a relationship with. Trust me, I could write 10,000 words on this game alone. And yes, I know Iguodala isn’t in that game. I’d just use five Jamaal Mashburns and pretend they’re bulkier).

But I do know enough about genetics and time travel (I saw “Time Cop” twice!) to realize that this scenario is impossible. And I’m 90% sure that you do too. Unfortunately, I think you’re still trying to create your Fourth Reich on the court in other ways, and that’s dangerous.

Rodney Carney? I love his spunk. Plays tenacious D without the Jack Black facial expressions. Offense? Yeah. Not so much. Looks a little like Jack talking to Locke on the island…you know – Lost?

Thaddeus Young? OK, I have no idea. Maybe one day he will lead the Sixers to a championship. It’s obviously early. My problem is not with his skills (since his last name perfectly describes him at this point); my problem is WHY DID YOU DRAFT ANOTHER SMALL FORWARD?

Remember “Multiplicity”? Clones are bad enough, but when you start getting clones of clones, well, you start getting called Steve. And no one wants that. Especially when you’re under a spotlight, and your center has the same frame as the alien that welcomed Richard Dreyfuss onto his spaceship.

What I’m trying to say is that there are a few other positions that might need an upgrade before we start stocking up on the small forward position. Unless your plan is to stockpile forwards and then go looking for a trade (and I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think that strategy is all that great either), then I think power forward was the place to go.

So please – forget the small forwards and look elsewhere. You’re good at the 3. Really good. It’s the other four positions you might want to focus on. Because Willie Green is not an answer for anything. Oh, and if you haven’t seen “Star Wars: Attack of the Clones” yet, trust me, it doesn’t end well for the good guys.