The plan for the 2008 Phils

by Goose

After the disappointing Winter Meetings went by with nothing more than a rumor about signing Geoff Jenkins(!?), I kinda get the feeling that Gillick’s heart might not be totally into this team. But instead of sitting here and ranting semi-coherently about the apathetic job he has done thus far this offseason, I have decided to take a more friendly, helpful approach. I have decided to throw my hat into the ring and become the Phillies GM.

Why? Because let’s face it – if I don’t do it, we’re going to have to sit through a lame-duck year as Gillick occasionally emails Assistant GM Ruben Amaro, Jr. with stuff like, “Whatever you do, keep Conlin away from the postgame spread,” to get him ready to take the reins. Sure, I have no experience other than arguing with other Phillies fans about the direction they should go in, but let’s be honest, what more experience do I need?

Anyway, to show you that I have skills to pay the bills, I have come up with a plan for the Phillies future. Unfortunately, I can only operate in today’s climate (let me tell you – I had an awesome plan laid out – Howard for Santana and then sign A-Rod; move Utley to first and resign Iguchi for second. Think that would have been talked about much?) and so I’m slightly limited in my moves, but I wasn’t hired a month ago. I was theoretically hired today. And don’t worry – my revised plan is just as goofy…

Pitching – I will admit I like the move Gillick did in acquiring Brad Lidge from Houston – if he plans to use him as the closer. It makes my job easier. That gives me a starting rotation of:

Cole Hamels
Brett Myers
Jamie Moyer
Kyle Kendrick

As for the fifth spot – I can either take a flyer on a FA agent like Bartolo Colon for a year and hope I get lucky, throw Eaton out there and then permanently move to Canada (the “Gillick Plan” as I like to call it) or get creative. And this is where the genius starts leaking out…

My first order of business is to take Burrell’s second half of 2007, grab the highlights, put it on DVD, label it with, “This guy loves to take walks!” along with a bottle of Jameson with some bullshit congratulatory message about having a good young team that probably only needs a right-handed power hitter to take them over the top, and send it to Oakland GM Billy Beane immediately. Hopefully, by the time he’s 3-4 shots deep, I can give him a call and offer up Burrell, Victorino and Kendrick for Dan Haren.

So now I’m down a leftfielder and centerfielder. But here’s where I really fleece the FA market. Sure, Mike Cameron is currently suspended, but it’s only 25 games. Chris Roberson can’t kill the season in 25 games, can he? Let’s hope not. After that, you have a defensive centerfielder that also handles the bat pretty well. As for Burrell, there’s a guy out there that will not only be an upgrade to Burrell, but he’ll put the kibosh on any hecklers.

Milton Bradley

C’mon – how much fun would it be to have him on the team? Other than a bus full of baggage and a bizarre injury he’s coming off of, I can’t see the downside. I’d certainly go to war with him – of course I’m talking about an actual war.

Yes, Citizens Bank Park would immediately become Arkum Asylum, but it sure would be an exciting place to go see a baseball game. And you would know going into the season there were exactly two ways this whole thing could play out – World Series or Prison Break. What’s not to love about that?