The Eagles fan's "Walk Away" move

by Huggy

Yes, the Eagles “Walk Away.” We all know what it is, and we’ve all done it before. It happens at that point in the game when the Eagles have a third down and three to go and the score is 17-14, and the Birds are losing. So, what happens? McNabb throws an interception. Thus, we the Eagles fan can no longer look at the television and must stand up and “walk away.” We don’t walk away for long; just long enough to not see the result of another Eagles screw-up. There are several degrees of the Eagles “Walk Away,” and here they are:

The Quick Walk Away

This is the most common of Eagles “walk aways.” We usually see this when the Birds commit a stupid penalty, McNabb overthrows his 500th pass of the game, or Andy Reid calls a play so predictable, the Special Olympics football coach would’ve figured it out. This “walk away” usually lasts approximately less than one minute. Also, you may hear the person “walking away” say a particular player or coach sucks, or this is bull$%#@! This “walk away” is no cause for alarm and happens once or twice in any given game.

The Five-Minute Walk Away

This “walk away” is not so common, unless you’re counting this current season, which probably has at least one of these during every game played thus far. Common scenarios of this “walk away” include: crucial fumbles or interceptions, a cornerback being toasted for a touchdown, or possibly a 45-yard pass interference call. The person “walking away” will witness one of these travesties, yell several f-words, slam a beer down or kick some piece of furniture. This walk away usually encompasses a bathroom trip first. Even if you don’t have to go, it gets you furthest away from the television. Next, there will be a visit to the kitchen, where another beer is acquired. Also, there will be a quick search for some unknown snack that didn’t initially make it for the start of the game. By this point, the walk-awayer will receive a call on his cell phone from a friend who’s also done the five-minute walk away. Both men will talk about how much the Eagles suck and how the national television announcers hate the Eagles and are clearly biased toward the opposing team. After hanging up the phone, the walk-awayer will slowly return to the game and resume his starting position.

The Permanent Walk Away

This walk away is clearly the most serious of all three. It rarely happens to a die-hard fan, but when it does, it’s a truly awful site to see. Up until this point, it has been a good game with the Eagles usually ahead by a very small margin, maybe three points or less. However, the opposing team answers back on its next possession with an amazing touchdown drive. Our defense looks completely overmatched and when it’s all over, the other team, which has been losing the whole game, suddenly goes ahead with three minutes remaining.

At this point the “sixth sense” of the walk-awayer usually kicks in. This lifelong fan knows if the Eagles will score or if they will be the victims of runs that lose yards and passes that are missed and overthrown. So, once this Eagles “sense” kicks in and we realize the Eagles won’t win, even though there’s plenty of time left, this is when we see the “permanent walk away.” The permanent walk away rarely involves cursing or yelling. The fan will immediately shut the television off to eradicate all visual and audio images of an Eagles loss right away. Next (and here’s the key to the permanent walk away) the person must leave their place of residence, get in their car and run a pointless errand.

Their phone will ring with other disgusted fans calling them, but our permanent walk awayer is far too upset to talk with anyone. Commonly, after a permanent walk away, the Eagles game may not even be mentioned until the following morning. These walk aways are not new to Eagles fans. They’ve been passed down by father and grandfather and will be passed on to our children and grandchildren. Such is the life of an Eagles fan.