The Andy we all know and love. For the most part. Sometimes. You get the idea.

by Ray Porreca

“I have to put my team in a better position to win,” Andy Reid said after the Eagles lost 38-17 to the Cowboys two Sundays ago.

Just a week ago, Reid stood at the podium like the Pope before the Vatican council and uttered these unthinkable words. Much to the bewilderment of the reporters in the room, he insisted over and over that he was the sole reason for the Eagles thrashing at the hands of Tony Romo’s dimples.

This past Sunday, after the Eagles 33-25 win over the Redskins, he triumphantly climbed the hundreds of steps to the press room, cleared his throat, coughed, stopped to catch his breath, and faced the same reporters.

The look on his face was one of restrained joy.

Thankfully, he was able to keep himself from jumping atop the podium and declaring victory.

“First, the injuries…”

He slowly read through the injuries, looking like a kid in a candy store.

Then he came to the point where he would declare it. Seasoned reporters sat on the edge of their seats, giddy with anticipation, their palms sweaty. One reporter was said to have been shaking, trembling as Andy raised his hand and opened his mouth.

He then wiped the sweat from his brow (that’s a long, goddamn walk up those steps) and coughed.

His modesty would not allow him to praise himself for putting his team in a position to win. His figure would not allow for a pat on the back.

If he were telling the press corps week in and week out that he had to put his team in a better position to win, that would be one thing, but he – as he had done most weeks – coached the perfect game.

Sure, he let cornerback Will James get JamesThrashed one too many times. There was some confusion as to the use of two point conversions, and maybe those blitzes simply don’t work.

But you take those things out of the equation, and he had put his team in position to win. He of course wasn’t calling the plays on offense, because that’s “Marty’s” job (sidenote: did anyone notice that Marty has hinges instead of joints on his elbows and knees?)

He didn’t call the defense because, well, they may have actually gotten pressure if he had (he’s that good).

The Wizard of the West Coast did everything right, won his team the game, and will never again have to blame himself for a loss. He had never before failed to put his team in a position to win, and as we all have learned in the past nine years, Andy never makes the same mistake twice.

What the F, here are some additional notes to take a gander at:

On the sideline after the game Reid embraced his oft-embattled QB Donovan McNabb and whispered something in his ear, or did he? It’s been theorized that he was trying to rub his moustache in McNabb’s goatee in order to create a static charge.

Has anyone noticed that Will James has yet to stop anyone this season?

The 0-9 Dolphins are up next. The rumor is that once a team reaches 0-16, the ’76 Bucs return to the surface.